CyberBear,* as Patriarch of the ******* Stake, I place my hands on your head to pronounce your Patriarchal blessing. I pray for the Holy Spirit to be here that you may feel it and know that the words are for you and from your father in heaven. [Note that he capitalized his title as "Patriarch", but left "father in heaven" in lower case. Just an oversight? hehe]
"CyberBear, you have gone through your trying time and have seen the truthfulness of the gospel and are now a part of it and the Lord is pleased. [More like: "The WARD is pleased.] He has many blessings in store for you and they will come through your lineage which is the house of Ephraim. Ephraim is a noble lineage being called at this time to build up the kingdom of God. Because of your strength, your intelligence and your personality you can be a moving factor in building the kingdom of God.
Prepare yourself for the life ahead. Continue your schooling that you may have the credentials to do whatever you like. [I had just told him in our pre-blessing interview that I wanted to get my master's degree] Study the scriptures. Prepare yourself spiritually. Go to the Lord in prayer often so your testimony may grow and bear your testimony often that you may strengthen others who admire you because of your wisdom and personality.
Keep the commandments of God that you may be blessed and if you do this, I bless you that you will find happiness in this life [Yeah right! My 27 years in Mormonism were the most UNHAPPY years of my life.] and the problems you face, you will overcome.
You will find joy in achieving the things you desire [Now that was really specific!] and a special joy in influencing others.
You will be called to help the kingdom of God and will receive callings to help strengthen others. You have a special quality that will enable you to teach and convey the knowledge you have to others. [I had just finished telling him that I was studying to be a teacher.]
I bless you that if your are faithful you will find someone who will please you and who will take you to the temple of God. Prepare yourself that you may make a Celestial home on this earth. That your family will be close. Give thought to training your children and special thought to preparing them spiritually. [Since I had screwed-up so badly, he wanted to make sure my kids didn't too.]
I bless you that you may have the opportunity to travel and be strengthened by the church you see in other places. [I had just told him that I wanted to travel.]
I bless you that you will have friends. [Well, duh...] I bless you that your health will be sufficient to do those things you desire and I bless you that you will find happiness in family life.
Go to the temple of our Father in Heaven and make commitments there that will further strengthen you and provide a way for you to achieve the Celestial Kingdom.
Work on genealogy with your family. See if you can further this work and provide a way for those who have died to accept and enjoy the gospel.
Keep the commandments of God that you may be strong in this life, that you may find happiness, that you may be a good influence on others and if you will do this, I seal this blessing on your head until the morning of the first resurrection when you shall be called forth and join Christ and his faithful for Eternal life and happiness.
I say this in the name of Jesus Christ.
* Not her real name.
Is this not the most boring, uninspired, redundant blessing you've ever heard? I was so disappointed after I received it. My mother was waiting in the hall, expecting to hear that something spectacular had been revealed to me. I figured I must not have been that "special" after all. If God had had big plans for me, then he certainly would have revealed them through the Patriarch!