In February of 1996, I was a wreck. Sure, I had a good job, a flush 401K, a reasonably attractive wife, and a canine companion who worshipped the ground I walked on. But I was struggling with a dark secret. I wanted Nicole Kidman.

     Yes, that graceful blond with those pouty lips and dynamite legs had bewitched me. After watching "Far and Away" for the eighty-fifth time, I packed my bags, left my wife, and headed for Hollywood. Perhaps I would be arrested, I knew, but it would be a monumental tragedy if I could not confess my undying love before being handcuffed.

     Fortunately, Nicole was in New York City for a couple of weeks. I was able to use the time to find out more about her. That's when I discovered Scientology. You see, she and her accursed husband are both members of Scientology. When I discovered this, I immediately sought out the nearest center. Just walking in the door made me feel closer to Nicole.

     I quickly realized that my obsession stemmed from one of my past-life experiences (specifically, being dumped by Marilyn Monroe). I knew that if I could just rid myself of my covetous desires, I would be free to

     In conclusion, I would like to say that if it were not for Scientology, I would most likely be dead. I must thank L. Ron Hubbard who made it not only possible for me to be free from drugs but also to lead me to a life that is happy, ethical & a way to attain spiritual freedom.